Facebook is as amazing as it can be harmful. A red square with a number pops up on my message box. I open it to reveal a picture taking me back to 1994. I look intently into the eyes of a newborn I am holding; the senders precious bundle I was honored to assist into the world.
I’ve had such a blessed life. Sometimes it all gets away from me. Time has a way of insulating past events with particles of everyday busyness. This insulation is nothing more than a thick layer of dust left hidden someplace I thought no longer existed. Out of the blue someone wipes away the layers of dust particles revealing something so raw and beautiful that it jerks my body into an outburst of sobbing. Tears flow like a tsunami. Raw emotions release me to a place of humbled existence. My life has been full of some incredible gifts bestowed to me by the lives I have been honored to brush past.
I sob out of enormous gratitude to those who have allowed me to enter into their most intimate heartfelt moments of their lives: the births I have witnessed, my children that choose me, the smile from a stranger that dared to share eye contact, opening the window to their heart for even the briefest of moments, nature’s caress, nature’s challenge, the musical twisting around my soul. I sob for every moment life allows me to bear witness to so many others, youth and adult, who cry out for acceptance and connection and I become reassured as I watch a community reach out unconditionally and take hold of that hand that is grasping.
I sob in sorrow when love gets taken over by fear. I sob in sorrow when fear gets held captive by hate. I sob once more when hate gets mistaken for strength and power, when the only true way to have strength and power is through love.
One true moving force helping me start everyday with my heart open is to bath myself in the gratitude I have for every humbling moment in life that was graced by love, warmth, touch, song.
My heart may seep with burning open wounds made by paper cuts of hate filled words, scornful eyes, seething lies. I lather these open pustules with wild aloe thoughts and the sun and healing oxygen allowed to bath a heart that has been left open to the elements, trusting that healing energy has power over the spore laden environment caused by a darkened coffin.
I sob tears of joy for my acceptance of my dark moments and for the strength to walk, sometimes crawl through the darkness understanding the light is waiting for me, waiting to warm me with its healing rays of strength and joy so that when darkness falls again, which is understood as part of life’s balance, I will once again bath in the darkness, opening my soul to life’s lessons, putting one foot in front of the other trusting it will once again move me to the light. This is the Yin/Yang roller coaster I am humbled to ride.
As for this Facebook moment that drew me to my knees, I give a heartfelt thank-you for the mother whose love for her son and her midwife gave me a roller coaster ride I will gladly stand in line for over and over.