How to draw the line between passion and pest?

Wise sage passing ceremonial sage. Love the symbolism of it all.

Wise sage passing ceremonial sage. Love the symbolism of it all.

I’m a mother, grandmother, midwife and wise sage. I have been around the block a few times with babies and mama’s.

Nature is my teacher. I have strong instincts that are backed by nature, not medical personnel or books. Yet every time I turn around these days all I hear are, “This doctor says do this” or “This book says do that”. Time and time again I hear the wrong advice. I am certain there is a way nature intended things to work out and I am also certain that many people are not following those ways. The wrong advise is being moved along as if it is the right advise and it is being moved along by the people that the masses trust; doctors and nurses. Up to now our babies bodies survive all this wrong advise but there are signs of weakening.

If I speak up, it is to deaf ears. I am looked upon as being obsesive and a down right annoying. I am too natural, kind of a freak among the “normal” people just trying to be like everyone else. Many people see me as grinding against the grain. When I speak, I am a reminder of what is real and right. Their instincts know this but it is just too foreign to them, too inconvenient for them to consider.

So they buy the medication and formula and feed their toddlers potato chips and white pasta. They vaccinate the second the charts tell them and go to every doctor visit to have their child weighed and watched to determine if ‘someone’ finds them average enough. The list goes on and on. There are many great books out their but the wrong books make the number one on the Best Sellers. “What to expect when you’re expecting.” is the wrong book.

So yes!!!! My passion has driven me to be a PEST. The line between the two has been erased.  I cannot hide what I know to be right..

There is an exception to this story. There is still a strong community that adheres to the laws of nature. They are small in numbers but their passion is strong. They survive despite the main stream society’s every attempt for over a hundred years to try to wipe them out.

Pillow Fun, or is it?

Big Pillows

Big Pillows

J R

 

These giant pillow from Pottery Barn were a big deal in our house. It was a big expense that paid back in big smiles. Most the time. Eyes wild with excitement, the kids would run and dive, belly flops was more like it. Every time Starbo would see the kids do this he would say, “Hey, don’t let me see you do that again.” Eyes turned down, shoulders slumped as if to say, “Sorry Dad” and then when he left the room they would start right back up. This time I didn’t back Starbo up because I saw no harm in what they were doing. This is how it went in our house. When Starbo was around the kids wouldn’t do certain things but when he left the crazy began, as long as it was ok with me. If I didn’t like it, they wouldn’t get away with it.

The scary part for Juma, really the torture part, was when his older brothers would sandwich him in between two pillow. I would freak out when I saw him freaking out. I would scream, “Stop that right now, you know Juma hates that. It’s torture to him. Don’t ever let me see that again.” You would think I would never see it again but kids can be cruel. They know he spent days at the dentist being restrained in a papoose style board with velcro straps to get his teeth fixed. He had horrible bottle mouth syndrome.

Not sure why he had such bad teeth. He was breastfed for two and a half years, fed healthy food but he did get a bottle of diluted juice once a day and often fell asleep drinking it. My bad and unfortunately Juma’s bad.

I had two choices, put him under and do it all one time or sedate him and do it a few hours each day. I was afraid of putting him under when I read about the rare side effect…death. So dreading it all but understanding the severity of his disease, I opted for the sedation. The drug that was suppose to mellow him out had the reverse effect, taking a very mellow boy and turning him into a hyper maniac. It took four of us to restrain him in a papoose. A nightmare for us all. My poor little baby was crying so hard and I had to convince him to open his mouth for this very patient and lovely Puerto Rican female dentist. At the time it seemed there was nothing else to do, I wanted to pack up an fly home but I needed to be strong. His little teeth were chipped and rotten. Some got pulled and some got crowns. Like this story, it seemed to never end. Three days of it then we had to fly back to Puerto Rico a month later for another day of torcher.

So don’t restrain this boy. Let the fun be had but don’t sandwich my little boy or the memories flood back.

Breastfeeding in the Infinity Loop of love.

This is dedicated to Mothering Magazines “Blog about Breastfeeding” event.

Brian Birth 2

Pregnancy is a time for strength. Birth is a time of surrender. Mothering becomes a time to ebb and flow between strength and surrender as if both energies are locked into an infinity symbol.

Strength is needed to care for your body and the baby. Surrender is needed to give yourself completely to a new life with a new being in it. Surrender to letting go of things that once seemed important and strength to adjust to whats is important now.

When you nurse your baby, surrender is necessary, but not the same type of surrender that was needed in labor. This surrender is letting go of all distractions and focusing in on you and your baby and the connection that is growing.

The first few weeks with your baby compares to meditating. When you meditate, you focus in on one sound, and when many thoughts come into your mind, you greet them and then send them on their way and go back to that one sound.

Be with your newborn the same as you sit with your meditation. You may think of a client you forgot to call or a dish that needs washed but to get the most out of this moment it would be best to focus in on the skin to skin contact, the breath being shared between mother and child, how that breath creates a movement between the two of you. Be present with this moment, be fully present. This moment passes so quickly and can never be recaptured. A dish can always be washed, a client can always be called but this moment when a being reaches the earth is a once in a life time moment. Literally. Everything is new for its little baby body, lots of adjusting for both mother and child.

For some mothers it may be overwhelming to care for such an important being. The exhaustion of labor and birth are overwhelming. The body has often maxed out all its reserves in the strength department. It may feel as if your baby is pulling more energy out of your body every time they nurse. More energy than you think you can spare.

When the baby latches on to your nipple to nurse it stimulates oxytocin. Oxytocin causes the uterus to contract. A contracted uterus is a good thing for a mother. It helps to stop the flow of blood coming from the uterus by squeezing the ends of blood vessels that once connected to the placenta. It also helps the uterus go back to it’s original size.

So you see the baby is helping you get your energy back. Think of it like this: The baby’s lips on your breast are like you plugging in your cell phone to recharge the phone. You may think you are the only one giving out the electricity juice but the baby is actually giving lots of juice back to you, contracting your uterus and giving you the ultimate energy, letting you receive all that baby love. No other love is purer than a baby new to this earth bringing all that fresh innocent love into your life.

Once again it all goes back to the infinity sign. The figure eight; one circle being the mother, the other the child. The baby is giving and receiving and the mother is giving and receiving. What a gift.